New Feature--Fake Translation of the Week

I'm going to try a new feature here. It's called "Fake Translation of the Week." The goal is to show how certain passages of Scripture would have to read if we are to believe what some false teachers and false religions teach.

Today, the question is--"What happens to those who never hear of Jesus?" And I do not mean to treat this subject lightly, because it is so serious. Because the answer, of course, is "They will not enter into the Kingdom of God." Because if they did--if people who never heard the gospel were granted automatic entrance into heaven, or were given a "second chance" after they die--then this is how we would have to read today's passage.

Matthew 28:19-20--"Tarry ye here in Jerusalem. Do not go out to any other city, or land, to any tribe, or tongue, or nation. Do not tell anyone the gospel. Keep it to yourself, lest the people do not believe what ye tell them, and they be condemned for their unbelief. Yea, 'tis better for them if ye do not tell them. That way, they shall enter into My kingdom."

Resignation letter from a former Jehovah's Witness

Found this today, thought it might be intersting reading for anyone who might be--or who knows someone who is--a Jehovah's Witness. This is an actual resignation letter from a woman who found the light after being blinded for years by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. This is one woman who really did her homework:

There is a Bible test concerning false prophets in Deut. 18:18-22. According to Jehovah, the true prophet that we MUST listen to will be the one of whom Jehovah says, "I will put my words in his mouth..." So if a person or an organization claims that Jehovah HAS put words into their mouth, they are claiming to be that prophet, and according to v22, their message MUST come true, or they are a FALSE PROPHET. As you can see from the enclosed insert, the Watchtower Society has claimed this EXACT THING numerous times, (although they deny it explicitly in the March 22, 1993 Awake heretofore mentioned) so their prophecies must be judged accordingly. No prophecy that the Society has made to date has come true: the prophecies have ALL been false. Please notice that this passage doesn't even mention that the false prophet must claim to be INSPIRED in order to be a false prophet, so no false prophet could rightly get off the hook just by saying that they never claimed inspiration. Nor is there a way out of this delimma just by the false prophet saying "I never claimed infallibility and I have always said that I make mistakes". True prophets of Jehovah were fallible human beings, but they did not falsely prophesy

[...]

I also discovered that, according to historians, Jerusalem fell to the Babylonians in 586 BCE - far from 607 BCE (as indicated in "You Can Live Forever in Paradise on Earth"). This certainly puts a dent in the 1914 date, I would think. How long will it be before the Society changes the 1914 date, just as they have with so many others? Will we soon learn that Christ returned in 1934 instead of 1914...INVISIBLY? That would add 20 years to "this generation", which would be very convenient right about now, wouldn't you say?

I truely believed that the Society was God's "channel" and that the Governing Body's commands were Jehovah's commands. I can't imagine how I would have felt if my daughter Briahna (who has hemoglobin C disease) had needed a blood transfusion and I had withheld it, and she died!!! Futhermore, if I had been responsible for her death in this way, what if in a few years time the Governing Body were to change their mind about blood transfusions just as they did concerning vaccinations and organ transplants? (Are we to really believe that God changed his mind about these matters??) What would they have said to me? Would they wash their hands of my daughters death by saying that "We just made a mistake...we are not inspired...we never claimed to be infallible..."?

"Signs and Wonders School" now online!

(sarcasm on) That's right folks! Now you too can learn how to distort the word of God and pervert the gospel of Christ for fun and profit! Just sign up for Benny Hinn's "Signs and Wonders Bible School!" (/sarcasm)

Uhh, Benny. You know how you quote 2nd Timothy 2:15? About rightly handling the Word of Truth? You fail to do that.

Now, more than ever, God is calling each of us to a higher level, “also bearing witness both with signs and wonders, with various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit, according to His own will” (Hebrews 2:4, NKJV).

This verse in Hebrews is not talking about us doing "signs and wonders." This is the whole passage, in context. Hebrews 2:1-4--

"Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away. For if the word spoken through angels proved steadfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just reward, how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation, which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed to us by those who heard Him, God also bearing witness both with signs and wonders, with various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit, according to His own will?"

This passage talks about Christ showing that He was the Son of God, and that the signs and wonders He performed bore witness of who He was. John 10:25--"Jesus answered them, 'I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in My Father’s name, they bear witness of Me.'"

So go ahead, throw your money away on a worthless piece of paper from this charlatan. Or, you could study the Bible yourself, find a good, Bible-preaching church, and let the Holy Spirit guide you into all truth. Don't buy into this Benny Hinn nonsense.

Update: Bynum to divorce Weeks

According to FOX5 Atlanta, Profitess "Prophetess" Juanita Bynum has indeed given her attorney the go-ahead to file divorce papers on her husband, "Bishop" Thomas Weeks III. Video from Independent Conservative:



You gotta admit: the violin music in the background, the dabbing of the eyes, all very emotionally touchy-feely. Very...dramatic.

This goes to show that all the nonsense these two "preached" about love, marriage, etc., was a sham. Because they didn't even live it! And if you watch the video, she says that this divorce is about her "destiny." She does mention--briefly--something about God being glorified through this. And I don't doubt that He could be. But that won't happen until (a) these two repent, reconcile, and renounce the heretical things they preach, and (b) Ms. Bynum admits that she is no "prophetess".

Besides, what does it say about "Bishop" Weeks that he has over $100K in outstanding judgments against him? Shouldn't the "man of Gawd" pay his bills when they come? He better hope he don't lose his ah-NOIN-t'n'

If Satan is in charge...

...then Kenneth Copeland has some 'splainin' to do. Via Christian Witness Ministries:

• “God’s reason for creating Adam was His desire to reproduce Himself. I mean a reproduction of Himself, and in the Garden of Eden He did just that. He was not a little like God. He was not almost like God. He was not subordinate to God even. Adam is as much like God as you could get, just the same as Jesus. Adam, in the Garden of Eden, was God manifested in the flesh.” (“Following the Faith of Abraham I,” side 1)


• “He [Adam] was not subordinate to God ... [but] was walking as a god with the authority of a god. ... What he said went. What he did, counted. [And when he] bowed his knee to Satan and put Satan up above him, then there wasn’t anything God could do about it, because a god had placed [Satan] there.” (“The Force of Love,” tape #02-0028)


• “God had no avenue of lasting faith or moving in the earth. He had to have covenant with somebody...He had to be invited in, in other words, or He couldn’t come.” (“God’s Covenant with Man II”, 1985, tape #01-4404, side 1)

So, God was shut out of the Garden after the fall. He couldn't do ANYTHING. Well, as the folks over at CWM point out:

• What right did God have to make clothing out of animal skins for Adam and Eve?
• What right did God have to expel Adam and Eve from the Garden?
• What right did God have to place a Cherubim and Flaming Sword, in the garden, to guard the way to the tree of life?
• What right did God have to curse and mark Cain?
• What right did God have to take Enoch - one of Satan’s possessions?
• What right did God have to flood the Earth?
• What right did God have to talk to Abram — one of Satan’s possessions?
• What right did God have to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah?
• By what right did God kill the first born of Egypt?

I also noticed something else in reading this article. They reprint the "Statement of Faith" at Kenneth Copeland Ministries. I won't reproduce it here, but here's the link. I notice that in the statement of faith, KCM mentions that they believe Jesus was crucified, and they believe that salvation comes by faith in the shed blood of Jesus. But nowhere do they put the two together. This shows you that KCM still does not believe that the blood Jesus shed ON THE CROSS was what purchases our freedom, our redemotion, and our salvation. Obviously, they still believe Jesus had to suffer in Hell for three days. So, I guess when Jesus said, "It is finished," He was what, lying to us? This is one reason I do not hesitate to call Kenneth Copeland a heretic.

More from the sick, twisted Paula White

(Image hat tip: Spiritual Pathways Ministries Library)

That's right, folks!! Even though Christ did away with the curse of the Law, we are still supposed to keep it. And don't forget to send in your "Atonement Offering!!" From Paula White Ministries.

As Christians, we are called to follow the New Covenant of Christ -- but as Christ himself honored the laws and covenants of his forefathers, as modern-day children of God we should also remember and honor God’s biblically established laws, covenants, and decrees. [Even though it tells us in James 1:10--"...whoever will keep the whole law, and stumble in one part, he is guilty of all."--Ed.]

[...]

As Christians, we are encouraged to observe the Day of Atonement also in remembrance of Christ [I guess this is found in the book of......--Ed.] – our own High Priest, who became the ultimate “sin offering” for us – guaranteeing our eternal “atonement” and salvation. Observance of the Day of Atonement might include prayer and fasting, sacrificial offerings, and studying God’s Word.

Hat Tip: A Little Leaven)

So, if we send in an "Atonement Offering" to appease the wrath of God (because Christ's blood just wasn't enough), we get even more crap from this heretic. Basically, what she's saying is, "Honor the Day of Atonement by sending me money!!"

Now, if you've read this blog, you know how often I rail against the so-called "prosperity" preachers. Most of them claim that what Christ did on the Cross--taking our sins upon His shoulders, and BY THIS ACT taking upon Himself the wrath of God for our sins--wasn't enough. He had to go into Hell, and suffer torture from demons for three days. And--according to Kenneth Copeland--Jesus had to be "born again".

Well, along comes Paula White. She and her husband Randy have (unsuccessfully) attempted to expand THEIR kingdom here on earth at the cost of (a) their marriage, and (b) bringing shame to the name of Christ. Well, she has done gone and ripped the Gospels out of her Bible, and spit in the face of Christ. Now, she says we need to go back to keeping the law of Moses. And by doing so, she has officially moved from the ranks of merely being a "heretic", to being a full-blown blasphemer.

Hey, hey Paula! I got an idea for ya. I'm sealing my Bible in an envelope, putting it in the mailbox, and sending it to you. Because appreantly, you don't have one. Or maybe you do, and you just haven't ever bothered to read it. Because if you did--well, not only would you find that as a woman, you are not allowed to be a pastor at your church (see here and here)--but you would also find the Bible says--

• Colossians 1:19-20--For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross.


• Galatians 3:3, 10-13--Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?...For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.” But that no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.” Yet the law is not of faith, but “the man who does them shall live by them.” Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”)


• Hebrews 9--Then indeed, even the first covenant had ordinances of divine service and the earthly sanctuary...Now when these things had been thus prepared, the priests always went into the first part of the tabernacle, performing the services. But into the second part the high priest went alone once a year, not without blood, which he offered for himself and for the people’s sins committed in ignorance...It was symbolic for the present time in which both gifts and sacrifices are offered which cannot make him who performed the service perfect in regard to the conscience...But Christ came as High Priest of the good things to come, with the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation. Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. For if the blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling the unclean, sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, how much more shall the blood of Christ...cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? And for this reason He is the Mediator of the new covenant, by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of the eternal inheritance...
  

But the passage that condemns Paula White as a blasphemer is Hebrews 10:28-29

Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace?

She has indeed trampled the Son underfoot, and counted His Cross as what, something He felt like doing because He didn't have anything better to do? Christ came to do away with the Law. His Cross IS our atonement where He made propitiation for our sins, reconciled us to God, took our sins upon Himself, and imputed His righteousness to our account. Paula White, by trying to weasel some "Atonement Offering" out of her deceived followers, is the true "God-robber", and blasphemer.

The "Wisdom" of Mike Murdock

The man never met a $58 seed he didn't like. Of course, if ya start sowin' those $1000 seeds, he'll love ya even more. And don't act like you ain't got it! Just sell everything you own and give it all to this rich guy! ministry! Yeah, that's it!

Here are some juicy tidbits from "Mr. Wisdom" himself (All quotes from Forgotten Word Ministries):

"I broke the back of poverty with the $1,000 seed. I broke the back of poverty with the $1,000 seed. Listen carefully, this is, this is, possibly, possibly the most critical seed that you have ever planted in your lifetime. [Or at least since the last "most critical seed ever."] Because there is an anointing. I heard double portion. Did I hear double portion yesterday [Steve Munsey]? There is going to be a doubling of your wisdom in six months. We're going to come in agreement, this is not for everybody. Every harvest requires a seed. God never opens His hand, opens His windows until we open our hands. But listen carefully, I don't know where you are going to get it. But if you can't even faith in a $1,000 seed to sow, how can you ever be debt free? If you can't even call in seed, how could you call in a harvest? You have to work with your faith for the seed before you can call in the harvest. But the Holy Spirit is giving me faith for 1189 miracles in the next 30 minutes or so. 1189, now that's not all. But there is a strong anointing for 1189 miracles. I'm going to tell you the three that I believe you will feel a special faith to focus the $1,000 seed for."

(Mike Murdock, Daystar Fall, "Share-A-Thon," September 14, 2004)

However, things didn't always turn out so rosy for those who "sowed into the kingdom" of Mike Murdock Gaaaaawd-uh

In December 2003, more than 60 checks written for $58 were returned to the ministry because the donors' checking accounts had too little money to cover them. Other months reviewed showed similar returned checks.

'We can't help it when someone writes us a check for insufficient funds,' [Wisdom Center finance director Craig] Prus said. 'Every person has their own talents and abilities, and if it's not accounting and keeping up with their own checkbook balances, I can't help that. But I do pray for them, obviously, to be blessed financially.'"

("Televangelist Mike Murdock moves financial books behind closed doors," Forth Worth Star-Telegram, USA, December 15, 2004)

That's right! Send in your $58 seed, even if you don't have the funds! And if the bank levies those overdraft fees on you, just remember that Gawd will bless those fees and double them every day! Er, I mean, He'll send you a double portion harvest!! You's just gots ta have faaaaaith!

Let's see some of the other whacky teachings of "The Wisdom Man":

"There is one of the 300 people that can give the $600 all at once. that kind of faith releases a swift response from God. When you let go of what's in your hand God let's go of what's in his."

(Mike Murdock, LeSea Television, Miracle Telethon, May 6, 2004)

------------------

"If you take that into your spirit you will reach millionaire status in three years."

(Mike Murdock, LeSea Television, Miracle Telethon, May 6, 2004)

That's right, folks! Just send in the right bribe seed to Gawd!

But then, "Wisdom Guy" lets loose with the most heretical of his teachings--that no matter what religion you follow, that's just hunky-dory with him, because, well, they're all the same:

"I have no arguments with people in other religions. Because they are living their persuasions."

(Mike Murdock, LeSea Television, Miracle Telethon, May 6, 2004)

Well, hey, as long as we're turning God into a Divine Bellhop and a Celestial Step-N-Fetchit, why not do away with all that old, "I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father except through Me" stuff, and just open up the doors of heaven to every Muslim, Buddhist, Mormon and Hindu.

And as long as "Doctor" Murdock is shredding his Bible, let's just go ahead and throw it out altogether, and just go by our feeeeeelings. OK folks, time to ring that bell!! "Ding ding! Excuse me, heaven? Yes, I need God to come down here and give me what I want right away! And tell Him to step lively if He will! Mm'k?"

Randy White--divorcing, but still preaching

Typical of his lack of knowledge of ANYTHING biblical, Randy White returned to the pulpit at Without Walls Church in Tampa (via Tampa Bay Online):

After a rare joint appearance Thursday night, when the co-founders delivered the news to a stunned congregation, Randy White returned to the pulpit alone, as expected. White told the Tribune last week that his wife had returned to New York Friday morning, after they made their announcement.

That wasn't unusual. In the past year, as her own ministry has evolved, Paula White's appearances at the North Grady Avenue church have become sporadic.

So, rather than say to the congregation, "I need to take some time away from my position so Paula and I can work on our marriage"--something Charles Stanley should have done when he was going through his divorce--Randy decides that the money is just too good, and he's gonna stay entrenched in his position. And before you say, "They just announced their divorce last Thursday," you don't just wake up one morning and say, "Hey, ya know, I think we oughta divorce." This is a situation that has been developing for some time.

Well, towards the end of the Sunday service, just to play on people's emotions a little more,

...White made his way to the podium, as his congregation cheered, buried his face in a black cloth and appeared to sob. Shortly after receiving a supportive hug from Messer, White appeared to crumble completely. His shoulders sagged, and he laid his head on his arm at the podium and gave way to even deeper sobbing. Eventually, Messer and a host of black-suited ministers gathered, laid their hands on White and formed a tight prayer circle around him.

On the video monitor behind White, the words "international church" appeared to hover over White's prostrate body, as though he were carrying them on his back.

Intended or not, the symbolism may prove prophetic.

In his interview with the Tribune last week, White said he plans to resume his role as the church's senior pastor and that he has put on hold plans to start another church in Malibu, Calif.

Maybe Randy should have thought a little more before he even started the California project. Because obviously this was NOT something of God. Unless you think that God starts things and doesn't finish them. But we know that's not true.

Independent Conservative has an in-depth analysis of the factors behind the Whites divorce--and its connection to the Bynum/Weeks mess (can you say "TD Jakes"?)--over at his blog. I found this interesting--

Without Walls Founders Divorcing - A longer article about the divorce announcement.

In the article, Paula White seems to defy all her statements of how giving her money or other deeds will grant earthly success when she says:

‘I wish there was a magic formula that gave you guarantees in life,’ she said.

She never mentions no guarantee when she’s asking for money and claiming it will cause an “angel” to stand watch over you. I’m sure even the angels turn up their noses when she runs such scams!

Spreading the "gospel" without using the Bible

That's what you do if you're a "prosperity" preacher. You take the Bible, you find a few verses with words like "prosper", or "riches", or "wealth", and you just kinda YANK it out, and slap it across people's heads, taking it so far out of context as to be unrecognizable, then command them to never question anything you teach. You brainwash them into repeating phrases like "Touch not mine anointed", or "Do my prophet no harm", or "Do not put your mouth on the man/woman of God." That way, when someone shows them where you are wrong, they can just belch out one of those responses without actually having to study the Bible, and what it means.

Oh, and make sure you have plenty of funny stories to keep them amused during your little speech. And, once in a while, use at least some part of a verse in between your stories. And yell a lot. See, that way, your followers won't realize that you're telling them that certain parts of the Bible--you know, the parts about God wanting them to be rich and healthy--apply to them today, while there are other parts that don't apply today--little things, unimportant things like women not being allowed to preach, laying up treasures in heaven instead of on earth, life being more than the abundance of goods, etc. That way, you can increase your numbers among women, creating more subsidiaries, more avenues of marketing, and--most importantly--MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY!!!

But the most important thing you need to do is teach your people how to exalt themselves to the position of being able to throw God's word in His face, and demand the He GIVE them EVERYTHING they ask for, while bringing God Himself down to the position of being nothing more than a Divine Bellboy. That's EMPOWERMENT, baby!

If you notice, there are no "sarcasm" tags in this post. That's because this post does not contain any sarcasm. This post accurately sums up the teachings of the "prosperity" preachers. I have never met a follower of this heresy that has been able to back up what their preacher told them. But they do get agitated!

I was over at Independent Conservative the other day. IndyCon, GaryV and myself were trying to reason with a woman about why the "prosperity gospel" was wrong, and all she could come back with was her " 'sperrince". Even after IC asked her to turn off her CAPS button she kept "yelling" and he had to ban her. This was not an exception, that is how these people are.

And while the financial aspect is bad enough, the fact that these "preachers" paint a false picture of God, and distort His word and bring shame to the name of Christ is even worse. They are teaching people of a false God, and are leading them to perdition and destruction.

You want to call me a "heresy hunter", go right ahead. That is a badge I will gladly wear.

First Bynum and Weeks, now the Whites

It appears the "prosperity" crowd is reaping the harvest of trying to be bigger than their ministry. At the risk of sounding like I am shaking my fingers at these people--I realize that divorces are taking place more commonly than marriages these days--but these are the people that go around saying theat if you are a Christian, you should have no problems in your life, and that if you do you're cursed.

I posted yesterday about Juanita Bynum was beaten by her estranged husband Thomas Weeks. They are divorcing, and it appears they will go through with it. Now, Randy and Paula White--who have had their own share of legal troubles for reneging on promises--are divorcing as well. From the St. Pete Times' website:

TAMPA - Megachurch pastors Randy and Paula White stood before their congregation Thursday night and made the announcement that many in their flock feared had been coming for months.

They are divorcing.

"It is the most difficult decision that I have had to make in my entire life," said the Rev. Randy White, 49. "I take full responsibility for a failed marriage -100 percent. I don't blame Paula, and I don't blame other parties. But as the man of the house, I take full responsibility for that."

He praised his wife, calling her an exceptional woman and a great preacher and wife.

Standing by his side and appearing to fight back tears, the Rev. Paula White called the decision to divorce "one of the most painful of our lives."

[...]

Word about trouble in the couple's marriage has circulated for months. The Whites' disparate ministry paths have fueled much of the concern. Randy White, a bishop at Without Walls International Church, has been spending time in Malibu, Calif., in hopes of establishing a ministry on the West Coast. Paula White, the church's senior pastor [even though the Bible speaks clearly against women being pastors--Ed.] and a sought-after televangelist, keeps an apartment in New York City, where she recently opened a new ministry and self-help center in July.

Notice that part about Randy "...spending time in Malibu, Calif., in hopes of establishing a ministry on the West Coast..." and that Paula "...keeps an apartment in New York City, where she recently opened a new ministry and self-help center in July." So, instead of staying near to each other, and concentrating on their own church in their own community, they have been trying to spread themselves to wide, and who has benefitted from it? NO ONE.

Perhaps now people will see that this "health, wealth, and hypocrisy prosperity" doctrine is a bunch of hooey. These people can't even live what they preach.

Why do we call them "pulpit pimps"?

Because they feed off of the people they treat like their own little slave. Here's a good example from someone who told the story of the church they went to. From Pulpit Pimps:

And two years later–we left and went right back to the lil church on the corner! Here’s why:

• John Avanzini (spelling?) was invited in with his family to teach us about money stuff–after he preached, the entire church had to fill out empty tithe envelopes, march around the church and drop’em in a loot bucket as a “declaration” that we would start tithing..Then we were invited back that night for a debt burning service. Did ya’ll know that even if you burn your bill–it’s still valid?


• Our (former) pastor showed us a mid-service Power Point slide show of how much the church needed to build a church in a local prison from engineer write ups to foundational stuff. Good idea, isn’t it? A few weeks later, some dude announced that “we” just gave our beloved Pastor a $35,000 Golf and Country Club membership–since he loooves golf! And…the money needed for the prison’s church to get off the ground was less than his golf membership! “We” also gave first lady a Gucci watch (Pastoral Anniversary). Emphasis on the word “we”…


• The pastor keeps a 5-deep security team flanked around him at all times–but if he’s such a man of faith–what’s up with the gun-toting security team?


• He bragged several times about his used Rolex watches he bought on discount, his FIVE new cars and the fact that his new house appraised for $3 Million in an exclusive part of our southern town!This vital information was relayed during a Sunday morning sermon!


• His kids drive beamers and Escalades–and they all have “jobs” at the church


• The congregation is not permitted to see any financial info concerning the church in detail. I did receive a generic breakdown of some funds used for missions and local charity work


• Asked for prayer and was told by one of the preachers that this sickness was a curse on me that needed to be broken


• The congregation was often promted to chant this phrase “I’m on my way to my wealthy place and I will never be broke another day in my life.” Not kidding.
  Many of the members rode busses to church and lived on the rough side of town–no doubt they were committed tithers


• Members are told if you have a family emergency and need help from the church–don’t get offended when your tithe record is checked!Not kidding.


• There’s a church club called the “Million Dollar Club”-kid you not!


• Was told that if I continued to “speak” to my body–it would get healed and line up with the Word–and when I went for prayer–I was asked if I had purchased first ladies confession CD yet!!!

If you've ever wondered why I am constantly railing about the hucksters in the TBN crowd (Kenny, Benny, Creflo, etc.) this is why. Because of their heresies, they have influenced others to practice this nonsense and scare their people into dumping their life savings into this pimp's personal bank account so they can live the good life while the people go broke. These hucksters sell people a bunch of crap, and lead them down a path that ruins them not only financially but spiritually as well.

Jesse D on YouTube

Ya know, it's one thing to not want your daughter dating someone becasue they would be a bad influence. But when you "run him off" because of the way he looks, that ain't right. Watch this video, and listen closely as it gets to the 0:24 mark it almost sounds like he has to stop himself from saying something that wouldn't be very good for his career.

Pulpit pimpery in Baltimore (Updated)

Question: If your church is looking at foreclosure on their building because of a $12,000 water bill, what would be the best course of action? In my opinion, the church should get the money together to pay their bills and keep their building. Not so among the "churches" that are pastored by pimps. Take First Mount Olive Free Will Baptist Church in Baltimore.

Long story short, they lost their building in a fire. But, at light of day, some issues surfaced that SHOULD cause true Christians to wonder whether this church was seeking to be an example of the true Christ, or if they were just concerned with keeping up appearances. You see, that $12,000 water bill? They couldn't pay it because they were short on fundraising they had just...bought their pastor a Bentley. A $150,000 BENTLEY!! No, I'm not kidding. Thank you, prosperity gospel!! Independent Conservative says:

Well how were they going to help the poor while rolling in all their created debt? This is why churches need to carefully consider when they desire to own things. And this church learned the hard way, that you probably don’t want a building with a big steeple that might catch a bolt of lightening. The church should go modest on the buildings if owning any at all, so funds can be devoted to the needs of the poor. You know, those people Jesus told us to help in Matthew 25:31-46. The apostles always ensured poor saints were cared for first and foremost via the church donations, 2 Corinthians 9, 1 Corinthians 16:1-4, James 2:14-17. Many a pastor loves to proclaim “God loves a cheerful giver”, only they don’t mention that Paul was writing in that passage of scripture about money being collected to be given to poor saints, not money collected for a building or the pastors Bently. The apostles did not ride fancy chariots, they were often broke and homeless.

1 Corinthians 4:11 (New King James Version)
11) To the present hour we both hunger and thirst, and we are poorly clothed, and beaten, and homeless.

They forsook themselves for the care of the saints. They realized helping the poor is what Christ desired, not helping build their own wealth. Today, many ignore the example of the apostles and wish to live like King Solomon. With pastors that have followers who can’t properly discern old from new covenant, they keep collecting and building their religious industry empires, while their members literally cheer them on.

Now, since Jesus and His followers rolled through Galilee in a Hummer, wore designer clothes, and lived in mansions, we should follow His example! This is just one example of the poison that is the "prosperity gospel". It diverts money from those who truly need it to those who want to use it simply so they can live a comfortable lifestyle. To them I say, "Anathema!!"

UPDATE: Independent Conservative has a post about the pastor, Oscar E. Brown, who apologizes profusely for the way in which the church's funds were so badly mismanaged, and if he has to, he'll give back the Bentley, repent on live TV nationwide, and resign his pulpit.

Nah, just kidding. Brown doesn't think he did anything wrong.

"It Is Well With My Soul" by Jesse Duplantis

(With apologies to Horatio Spafford and Phillip Bliss)

When cash like a river attendeth my way,
When I drive around in a Rolls;
That Jesse hath taught me to name and to claim,
It is well, it is well with my soul!

When my car(when my car)
Is a Rolls (is a Rolls)
It is well, it is well with my soul!

Oh Adam has given authority to me
To ask for a house full of gold.
Because GOD had promised some guy long ago
He must give me the wish of my soul!

When my house (when my house)
Fills with gold (fills with gold)
It is well, it is well with my soul!

My wealth, oh the bliss of this glorious thought,
My wealth, every day, shall He grow!
Because His ah-NOIN-tin' has fallen over me!
Oh cha-ching! Oh cha-ching! says my soul!

Oh my wealth (oh my wealth)
Shall He grow (shall He grow)
It is well, it is well with my soul!

And LORD haste the day when my bank account shall be
So big that my barns cannot hold
That great double blessing that Jesse hath said
Shall abound, shall abound to my soul!

When my barns (oh my barns)
Cannot hold (cannot hold)
It is well, it is well with my soul!

Todd Agnew--"My Jesus"

Found me a new toy on my computer last week. Windows Movie Maker. I fiddled around and made me my very first music video.

I've always had an idea to do one for this song, and to compare those who walk in his steps (those who serve the poor and homeless, and those who are in chains for His name) against the heretics and blasphemers of the "prosperity gospel" crowd (Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland, Jesse Duplantis, $$$Creflo "chasing the almighty Dollar"$$$, etc.)

As the song says, "which one do you want to be?"



Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Why do you look so much like the world?

'Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land?
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand?

'Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow?
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side?
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part?
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

'Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

'Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus! I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus! I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means
To be like You Jesus
'Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like You Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus

--Todd Agnew, "My Jesus"

Sadly, this song describes many churches today. If you don't wear a suit and tie, or if you aren't wearing the "proper" clothing, they'd rather not have you in their midst. They have an image to keep up, you know. Wouldn't want anyone thinking they're dining with sinners and tax collectors, now. What was it James said about that?

Crazee Copeland Quotes

Some quotes from the High Prince of the TBN crowd, Kenneth Copeland. Reading these would make me laugh if they weren't so pathetically heretical. Via Berean Faith.
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When Jesus cried, 'It is finished!' He was not speaking of the plan of redemption. There were still three days and nights to go through before He went to the throne...Jesus' death on the cross was only the beginning of the complete work of redemption."
-------Kenneth Copeland (Jesus -- Our Lord of Glory, Believer's Voice of Victory Magazine 10, 4; April 1982, p. 3)

• Uh, Kenny, when He cried, "It is finished", He meant "It is finished!" Nowhere does it say that Jesus "suffering in Hell" paid for our sins. It's the cross, Kenny, only the cross!!

"Satan conquered Jesus on the Cross and took His spirit to the dark regions of hell"
-------Kenneth Copeland (Holy Bible: Kenneth Copeland Reference Edition, 1991, p.129)

• Where he gets this from, I have no idea.

"He [Jesus] allowed the devil to drag Him into the depths of hell....He allowed Himself to come under Satan's control...every demon in hell came down on Him to annihilate Him....They tortured Him beyond anything anybody had ever conceived. For three days He suffered everything there is to suffer."
-------Kenneth Copeland (The Price of It All, 3)

• This must have been one of his "divine revelations." OY.

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But, wait! There's more. Jesus had to die...spiritually!!

"Jesus had to go through that same spiritual death in order to pay the price. Now it wasn't the physical death on the cross that paid the price for sin, because if it had of been any prophet of God that had died for the last couple of thousand years before that could have paid that price. It wasn't physical death anybody could do that."
-------Kenneth Copeland (What Satan Saw on the Day of Pentecost, audio tape #020022)

• No. Only Jesus' death on the cross was sufficient to atone for our sins. He had to be "a Lamb without spot or blemish." All the prophets of old--and even the patriarchs--had sin in their lives. But Jesus had no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth. It was the DEATH of the Lamb of GOD that satisfied the wrath of GOD.

"The Spirit of God spoke to me and He said, "Son, realize this. Now follow me in this and don't let your tradition trip you up." He said, "Think this way -- a twice-born man whipped Satan in his own domain." And I threw my Bible down... like that. I said, "What?" He said, "A born-again man defeated Satan, the firstborn of many brethren defeated him." He said, "You are the very image, the very copy of that one." I said, "Goodness, gracious sakes alive!" And I began to see what had gone on in there, and I said, "Well now you don't mean, you couldn't dare mean, that I could have done the same thing?" He said, "Oh yeah, if you'd had the knowledge of the Word of God that He did, you could have done the same thing, 'cause you're a reborn man too."
-------Kenneth Copeland (Substitution and Identification, tape #00-0202, side 2)

• I got nuthin'. I have don't even know how to answer something as pathetic, heretical, and downright blasphemous as this claim that ol' Kenny Boy could have taken Christ's place on that cross.

------

Oh, and get this: GOD isn't in control of ANYTHING!! In fact, if you so desire, you can be the boss of GOD:

As a believer, you have a right to make commands in the name of Jesus. Each time you stand on the Word, you are commanding God to a certain extent because it is His Word."
-------Kenneth Copeland (Our Covenant with God, 1987, p. 32)

• That's right! Because GOD, when He was dictating His word to the apostles and prophets, got careless and lazy, and left us a loophole by which we could twist His arm, and make Him our personal genie-in-a-bottle.

------

"God's on the outside looking in. He doesn't have any legal entree into the earth. The thing don't belong to Him. You see how sassy the Devil was in the presence of God in the book of Job? God said, "Where have you been?" Wasn't any of God's business. He [Satan] didn't even have to answer if he didn't want to ... God didn't argue with him a bit! You see, this is the position that God's been in ... Might say, "Well, if God's running things He's doing a lousy job of it." He hadn't been running 'em, except when He's just got, you know, a little bit of a chance."
-------Kenneth Copeland (Image of God in You III, 1989, audiotape #01-1403, side 1)

• Psalm 24:1--"The earth is the LORD's, and the fullness thereof."
• Psalm 47:2--"For the LORD Most High is awesome; He is a great King over all the earth."
• Matthew 28:18--"And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth."

------

And did you know that you can FORCE GOD to give you wealth?

"The basic principle of the Christian life is to know that God put our sin, sickness, disease, sorrow, grief, and poverty on Jesus at Calvary," he asserts. "For Him to put any of this on us now would be a miscarriage of justice."?
----------Kenneth Copeland (The Troublemaker, 6)

• 1st Timothy 6:8-10--"And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and [into] many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."
  
• Couldn't have said it better myself.


• 2nd Timothy 3:10-12--"But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, charity, patience, persecutions, afflictions, which came unto me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra; what persecutions I endured: but out of [them] all the Lord delivered me. Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution."


• But, I guess GOD just done forgot all about poor ol' Paul. Seems like the apostle just didn't have that ah-NOIN-tin'!!

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I could go on and on with more of the craziness that is "The Gospel According to Brother Kenneth". But, that's enough blasphemy for one day.

The "ventriloquist Jesus"

That's what a bunch of gay "churches" want you to believe in. I've added a new link--a website called "Gay Christian Movement Watch", which is a repository of information refuting the ridiculous claims being made trying to show that homosexuality isn't a sin. Um...yes it is!!

A gay church in Indianopolis (Jesus MCC) recently spent $20,000 on a billboard project which declared Jesus would not “discriminate”. But before they could they could declare that Jesus would not discrimate, they first had to purchase a $55,000 ventriloquist model of Jesus.

In the propaganda campaign the church asserted falsely that Ruth and Naomi were lesbian lovers.

By now, if you know your Bible, you know what it says in 1st Corinthians 6:9. You know what it says in Romans 1:26-28. But, these are some other passages of Scripture that the homosexual movement is trying to get taken out of the Bible.

Now, concerning this nonsense about Ruth and Naomi, the verse they try to use is Ruth 1:14--"Then they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her." This is the best they've got? Uh, folks, it was customary to greet people--and say "farewell" to people--with a kiss. In fact, Paul tells believers to "greet one another with a holy kiss." It doesn't mean it's a gesture of lust. It's simply a greeting. But, to homosexuals, everything they see has some kind of "gay" theme to it.

So, Melvin, tell us what you really think!

Melvin Jones, the man who operates the website pulpit-pimps.org, posted a well-researched treatise on those who go around saying that if you'll "sow a thousand-dollar seed" to their ministry, which is struggling--struggling!!--to afford that new $20,000,000 Citation X-20, that GOD will bless you with a $100,000 windfall. These people are, without a doubt, pimps. Or, as Melvin tells us...

Okay, here’s the thing. Some of you in the audience say I’m not loving. And I should be loving because God is love. I shouldn’t be judgmental of these people who preach a false doctrine. I should love them and pray for them.

And since I consider myself to be a man who at least tries to obey the Bible, I have decided to emulate God and say the same things He says. Since God is love, and God is perfect, then He only says loving things. So if I say the same things that God says, then I’m loving too. Right?

Okay, let’s run with that for right now.

Here are some of the same things God says about false teachers:
• They are ravenous wolves (Matthew 7:15-16)
• They are practicers of lawlessness (Matthew 7:22-23)
• They are hypocrites ( Matt 15:7-9)
• They are thieves (John 10:1)
• They are slaves of their own appetites (Romans 16:18)
• They are men of flesh (1 Cor 3:1-4)
• They are peddlers of the word of Christ(2 Cor 2:17)
• They are accursed (Galatians 1:6-8)
• They are tricksters and schemers (Ephesians 4:14)
• They are deluders (Ephesians 4:14)
• They are deceivers (Colossians 2:8)
• They are defrauders (Colossians 2:18-19)
• They are teachers of strange doctrine (1 Timothy 1:3)
• They are blasphemers, and have been handed over to Satan (1 Timothy 1:19-20)
• They are teachers of myth (2 Timothy 4:3-4)
• They are paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons (1 Timothy 4:1-3)
• They are liars (1 Timothy 4:1-3)
• They are conceited and understand nothing (1 Timothy 6:3-4)
• They have gone astray (1 Timothy 6:20-21)
• They are evil men, deceiving and being deceived (2 Timothy 3:13)
• They are empty talkers, after sordid gain (Titus 1:10-11)
• They turn away from the truth (Titus 1:13-14)
• They are false prophets, false teachers, greedy exploiters (2 Peter 2:1-4)
• They are stains and blemishes, greedy, loving of wages of unrighteuosness (2 Peter 2:13-15)
• They are slaves of corruption (2 Peter 2:19-20)
• They are ungodly (Jude 4)
• They are rebellious people (Isaiah 30:9)

So I guess if I am going to emulate God, I should call the people who promote a different gospel wolfish, hypocritical practitioners of lawlessness who are enslaved to their own appetites, while being men of flesh and peddlers of the word, who by the way are accursed and deluding and deceiving, while teaching myths and paying attention to deceiving spirits, while at the same time being empty talkers and being greedy exploiters while being blemishes and stains, and being ungodly.

Hmmm. You know, I don’t really feel like typing this phrase every time I refer to the pimping inhabitants of the pulpit. I’ll just keep calling them pimps and pimpettes. It’s a lot more succinct.

Now, now, don't be shy, let it all out.

Actually, he's calling these people what they are. They are heretics (at the very least), and blasphemers (at their worst). They claim that they know some secret chant, some long-hidden promise that GOD made to ONE man ONE time, (can you say, "Jabez"?) and they know how to take that and throw it in GOD's face, and twist His arm until He cries "Uncle!" and gives them whatever toy they're screaming for. There is a word in the Greek, astokeo." It means... WRONG!!!!!

Words of wisdom, from Jesse Duplantis

Think Jesse is ah-NOIN-ted? Well, he's got a spirit alright. Whether it's the Holy Spirit or not...

Check out these quotes I found at Forgotten Word:

"I've never had the Lord say, 'Jesse, I think that car is a little bit too nice.' I've had vehicles and the Lord said, 'Would you please go park that at your house. Don't put that in front of my house. I don't want people to think that I'm a poor God.'" (Jesse Duplantis, "When Will We Yield To The Anointing of Wealth II," April 10, 2005)

Jesse Duplantis: "People told me, 'Well, they say, Jesus was poor.' When was He poor? I would like to know when He was poor. [Uh, Jesse. Look at Matthew 8:20--"And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head."] Well, He was born in a stable. Why? Why was He born in a stable? Because that short, deaf lady lost their reservation. [I guess we can find that in the Book of...] He couldn't get into the inn. Think about that for a minute...And He had 12 full time people on His staff. [And did He pay them? No.] Some were married and He took care of them. [???] He had 70 part timers. You don't gamble for rags Marcus."
Marcus Lamb: "Yeah."
Jesse Duplantis: "You don't gamble for rags. You gamble for some clothes that cost. Don't you? He wanted a donkey that had never been rode. As I said earlier, 'You might want a car that has never been drove.'
Marcus Lamb: "He had a full time treasurer on staff."
Jesse Duplantis: "That's right! And stole for three years and the other guys didn't know about it."
Joni Lamb: "And wise men came to see Him."
Jesse Duplantis: "That's right! I mean He wasn't three minutes on the ground and the three wise guys are looking for Him with what? Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh. Let me tell you something, this concept that Jesus was in poverty is totally wrong!" (Jesse Duplantis, Marcus Lamb, and Joni Lamb, Daystar Fall, "Share-A-Thon," September 15, 2004)

"If I give $1,000 dollars I deserve to get back $100,000 because I am just, that's not greed!" (Jesse Duplantis, December 19, 2003 TBN, "The just shall live by faith.")

"When I began to feel weak, the angel walked over to one of those trees, picked some of its fruit and brought it back to me. . .The angel said to me, "Eat this fruit so you will be able to withstand the glory of God." (Jesse Duplantis, from a revival in Arkansas, 1988.) [Uhhh, fruit in heaven?? Because we get weak? HUH?]

"I felt weaker and weaker as we approached the Throne room. It looked to me like millions of people were there. . .When the light from the Throne hit me I couldn’t stand up; I fell down, and the angel gave me more of the fruit. . .I look up from the floor in the direction of the overwhelming Light, and I saw Him! I saw Elohim, Jehovah God, Yahweh sitting on the Throne! But I saw His feet - only His feet. . . He is so big - you can’t describe Him in a dimension. His hand is huge! His body, the form of it, is sort of like energy, spirit. [Uhhh...if he could only see GOD's feet, how could he describe His hands and body???] There’s a wall around the Throne, but the Throne is higher than the wall - that’s why you can see the Throne from every direction, from a distance. And that power, that energy-like smoke of God, covers all around the chair of the Throne itself." (ibid.)

Hooo-weee! That's some rev-uh-lay-uh-shun they-uh Brutha Jess-eh!

The Prosperity Hymn

Sung to the tune of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus", and sung weekly by the chiors behind Kenneth Copeland, Jesse Duplantis, Marylin Hickey, and $$Creflo$$ $$Dollarsign$$. (Original lyrics and melody here.)

O soul are you weary and troubled?
An old car in the driveway you see?
There is hope for you driving a Jaguar,
And cash more abundant for thee!

Turn your eyes upon riches.
Confess they now belong to thee.
Then the things of Heav'n will grow strangely dim
In the light of your big-screen TV.

Find yourself having wealth overflowing
If you sow a thous'nd dollar seed;
Claim this promise that He made to Israel,
Get all the toys you think you need!

Turn your eyes upon riches.
Confess they now belong to thee.
Then the things of Heav'n will grow strangely dim
In the light of your big-screen TV.

If you claim all these verses He promised;
He'll pour cash from His heav'nly vault.
So if you are not healthy and wealthy,
Then your faithlessness must be at fault!

Turn your eyes upon riches.
Confess they now belong to thee.
Then the things of Heav'n will grow strangely dim
In the light of your big-screen TV.