When "pastors" become lovers of money

Just two of the many examples of the modern-day "preachers" who see their "pulpit" as a way to further their stock portfolio, rather than furthering the kingdom of God.

The passage Cashflow is questioned about is Matthew 19:16-22--16 Now behold, one came and said to Him, "Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?" 17 So He said to him, "Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments." 18 He said to Him, "Which ones?" Jesus said, "'You shall not murder,' 'You shall not commit adultery,' 'You shall not steal,' 'You shall not bear false witness,' 19 'Honor your father and your mother,' and, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' " 20 The young man said to Him, "All these things I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?" 21 Jesus said to him, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." 22 But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. 

"O what abundance of good might ministers do, if they would but live in contempt of the world, and the riches and glory thereof, and expend all they have in their Master’s service, and pinch their flesh, that they may have wherewith to do good! This would unlock more hearts to the reception of their doctrine, than all their oratory; and, without this, singularity in religion will seem but hypocrisy; and it is likely that it is so. 'He who practises disinterestedness prays to the Lord; he who snatches a man from peril offers a rich sacrifice; these are our sacrifices; these are holy to God. Thus he who is more devout among us is he who is more self-effacing,' saith Minucius Felix. Though we need not do as the papists, who betake themselves to monasteries, and cast away property, yet we must have nothing but what we have for God."--Richard Baxter, from The Reformed Pastor.

Weak preachers are God's Judgment

Sometimes I forget things. Like the fact that when a snake in the pulpit rises to fame and prominence, the people who follow that man (or woman) are not "victims." They are merely reaping what they have been seeking. They do not want the truth, they want the Mercedes. And so, God says, "Fine--you won't get either one!" And He sends a Joel Osteen or a Paula White or a Benny Hinn or some other serpent to fill a pulpit and give those people over to the one they are really serving.

Here, Paul Washer, speaking truth, shows us why people like Creflo and Kenny and Jesse and Junie-B are truly God's Judgment upon a lost and wicked people.

A gospel tract you won't find at Lakewood Church

HAT TIP: Contemporary Calvinist

Fake Translation of the Week--Romans 1:16

My friend Pilgrim over at Defending.Contending has taken care of the "Fake Translation" this week. He skewers many heretical systems on how they would translate Romans 1:16, which reads, I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Gentile. For example:

For I am not ashamed of the gifts of the spirit, for they are proof of the power of God and proof of your salvation to everyone who believes . . .

-Charismaniac

For I am not ashamed of pleading for money, for sowing your faith seed offering is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes . . .

-Word of Faith Charismaniac

For I am not ashamed of Mary, the Pope, and the Mother Church, for they are the power of God and the only way to salvation to everyone who believes and receives the sacraments, attends meritorious masses, is baptized, keeps the law, does good works, purchases indulgences, endures purgatory, etc. . . .

- Roman Catholic

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of the New Earth that we peddle door to door, for the Watchtower is the only ones who speak for God and is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes and exhaustively works their tails off for the Watchtower almost every waking hour of the day for their entire life to obtain Jehovah’s favor, which is not guaranteed . . .

- Jehovah’ Witness

Romans? Is that in the Bible?

- Emergent / Emerging

Fake Translation of the Week--Acts 5:40-42

(Real translation here)

There are people who think that when you follow Christ, all the world will applaud your decision, that all your troubles will end, life will be a bed of roses, your life will be filled with health, wealth, and prosperity, and you will experience Your Best Life Now!© (read the John MacArthur quote under the blog title for more on that)

Yeah........right.......

Tell that to the apsotles, who were beaten, imprisoned, scourged, shackled, left for dead, driven out of every town they went to. Oh, I guess they must have been under a curse, or had some unconfessed sin in their life, or their faith wasn't strong enough.

But, for those who think we deserve a comfortable life because we belong to Christ, take out your Sharpies® and your Exacto® knives, and start creating your own Bible.

Altered text in bold italics

Acts 5:40-42 (Comfortable Life Translation)--40 and when they had called for the apostles and beaten them, they commanded that they should not speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. 41 So they departed from the presence of the council, complaining that they were better than that, and they didn't deserve the treatment they received. After all, they were Christians, and they are entitled to all the rewards and benefits thereof 42 And daily in the temple, and in every house, they ceased teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ, just so they didn't offend anyone.

Fake Translation of the Week--1st Timothy 6:6-10

(Real translation here)

I gotta share a little something with ya first. This past Sunday morning, my wife was flipping through the channels, when she came across Cashflow Creflo's weekly pimpfest. What I am about to share is exactly what he taught, not taken out of context, this is the fullness of his teaching. He said that in 2nd Timothy 3:16, when it says "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable..." I think you can guess where he was going with that. Focus on the word "profitable."

Yeah, that.

If what these heretical prosperity preachers were true, then this is how 1st Timothy 6:6-10 would have to read (altered text in bold italics):

1st Timothy 6:6-10 (Creflo Dollar Translation)--Now godliness with great financial gain is contentment. For we brought nothing into this world, but we can certainly carry a bunch out in our gold-plated coffins. And having food and clothing, with these we shall never be content. Because if that's all you have, then your faith ain't strong enough, you're under a curse, or you have some unconfessed sin in your life. But those who desire to be rich are the only ones worthy of the kingdom of God, and many foolish and harmful people want y'all to be broke. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of blessin', for which some have strayed from the faith by not confessin' it, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows because they ain't sowin' a seed into the ministry.

Fake Translation of the Week--2nd Corinthians 6:4-10

(Real translation here).

In order for that which those who preach the "prosperity 'gospel'" to be true, this is how 2nd Corinthians 6:4-10 would have to read (altered text in bold italics).

2nd Corinthians 6:4-10--4 But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much wealth, in ease of life, in felt needs met, in Mercedes-Benzes, 5 in cash, in jewelry, in big fancy wigs, in Rolex® watches, in big comfy beds, in luxurious dining; 6 by mansions, by people's lack of knowledge, by not having to wait for things, by false prophecies, by the Spirit of Python, by sincere love of money, 7 by the word of faith doctrine, by the power of mass appeal, by the pistol-packin' armor-bearers on the right hand and on the left, 8 by honor among thieves and dishonor among those who know the truth, by evil report and good report; as deceivers, because we lie; 9 as unknown by the IRS, and yet well known by our acolytes; as dying, and behold we lead others to death; as chastened by Charles Grassley, and yet not bankrupt (yet); 10 as sorrowful when we get caught, yet always rejoicing in people's ignorance; as rich, yet making many poor; as having everything, and yet possessing nothing of God.

What's in a name? Just ask Creflo DOLLAR

Skimming through the blogosphere, I ran across this article by PJ Miller at Sola Dei Gloria. Not content to let Todd Bentley be the only one commanding angels, Creflo has decided to ratchet up his heretical pattern of demanding that God do what Creflo commands Him to do:

Angel Power Confession

Because I am the righteousness of God, angels have been sent to minister to me. They respond to the Word of God which I speak. Therefore, I loose angels with the words of my mouth. I say today, let the Lord be magnified who takes pleasure in my prosperity. In the name of Jesus, I command the angels to bring to me prosperity in my spirit, in my home, in my body, in my family life, and in my finances.

I declare promotion and command the angels to bring promotion into my life. I have a blood-bought covenant promise from God Almighty to multiply exceedingly. Therefore, I confess I am exceedingly fruitful and blessed, right now, in Jesus’ name! I command the angels of God to go and bring this covenant to pass in my life now! I have the power to get wealth, and release the angels to bring wealth into my life.

I declare right now that I am healthy, healed, delivered, and freed from the bondage of sin. I am the head always, and never the tail. I am above only, and never beneath. I lend, not borrow, and everything I put my hands to prospers.

I walk in the favor of God and my favor is increased even as I am speaking. I have more than enough money to pay every bill that comes in, and I declare I am totally debt-free now! I have the authority of Heaven and in the name of Jesus, I declare that whatever I bind on the Earth, is bound in Heaven, and whatever I loose on the Earth, is loosed in Heaven.(source)

I don't even know where to begin with this nonsense. The angels are NOT at our command. We can no more command angels than we can command God. We are never promised health or wealth. I wonder why it is that all these heretics who love to go around spouting about how Abraham was rich, David was rich, Solomon was rich--but they never once talk about how the apostles, after they started spreading the gospel, were never rich. They lost everything. All of them--save John--were martyred in some of the most gruesome ways possible. We could spend all day talking about how the apostle Paul's life wasn't always sunshine and puppies after he started preaching the gospel. But these robbers and thieves won't tell you these things. They'll just cherry-pick a few verses, twist them in the most abominable ways, and abscond with your cash.

As they command angels. Hogwash.

Bezel333 PWNS "Pastor" Paula

The ever-vigilant Bezel333 has posted a video on YouTube where he single-handedly slices, dices, and juliennes the heretical screechings of "Pastor" Paula White while she tells us to beat up our neighbor and confess that our "Palm Sunday Praise is about to pay offff-fuh!!"

Now, it may be quite uncomfortable to sit through "Pastor" Paula's ridiculous charade, but the clear teaching that Bezel shares will make up for it. The video is about 10:00 long.

"Smells Like TBN Spirit"

A ripoff of the Nirvana song, inspired by the jackals featured every hour on TBN.

I saw this guy
On my TV
And he was staring
Straight at me
He said he'd heal
My disease
If I would send
Him money please

Don't know don't know
Don't know don't know
Don't know don't know don't know

Well he's yellin!
And he's screamin!
Could it be that
He's blasphemin?
Send him money
I don't wanna!
But he told me
That I gotta!
If I do and
God is willing
I'll find gold in
All my fillings!
Yeah!

As I wait for
My miracle
And migraines still
Pound in my skull
I must admit
The waiting's tough
Oh is my faith
Not strong enough?

Don't know don't know
Don't know don't know
Don't know don't know don't know

Dontcha dis the
Path I've chosen!
Even though the
Bank's foreclosin!
And my mortgage
I can't pay now!
"Money Comin!"
Any day now!
Though by sight you'd
Never guess it!
It'll come if
I confess it!
Yeah!

I pawned my watch
And sold my car
And I maxed out
My credit cards
But I know I'll
Get what I need
With one more
Thousand-dollar seed

Don't know don't know
Don't know don't know
Don't know don't know don't know

Brother Benny
Wants to help me!
If my checkbook
I will empty!
Send it in now!
No delayin!
In the Spirit
He's a-slayin!
Slingin' jackets!
Quotin' verses!
Calling down all
Kinds of curses!

Avanzini!
Pastor TD!
Creflo Taffy!
Stevie Munsey!
Kenny Benny!
Joyce and Jesse!
Drivin' Bentleys!
Charley Grassley!
Penitentiary!

Is the world crucified to you?

Just finished making a video to go along with one of the greatest quotes from Leonard Ravenhill--"Is the world crucified to you tonight? Or does it fascinate you?" To look at many churches across America--you know, the ones that serve that ooey-gooey sugary goodness that screams "seeker sensitive"--you would think that the apostle Paul was a laid-back, hippie-type slacker dude who didn't care much about doctrine, but went around with "so what does this verse mean to you?" on his lips.

Anyhoo, many of the images in this video can be found over at A Little Leaven. And since someone will ask--the music is "Carmina Burana (O Fortuna)" by Carl Orff. It's one of those pieces of music you hear on just about everything, but never knew what it was called. Well now you know :)

Short video on moneychangers

How does pimping the pulpit affect the pimps' children?

If you wonder why people like me get so disgusted with pulpit pimps like Ken Copeland, Benny Hinn, Creflo "Worshippin' the Almighty Dollar" and the rest of them, I found a video over at Pulpit Pimps that will give you a good idea of why. Or, you can follow the link below to watch the video of a Cleveland, OH area pimp whose daughter's 16th birthday party was featured on MTV. Yes, MTV.

Watch and be disgusted.

ReformationNation blog gets threatened by ah-NO'N-t'd "prophet"

My friend Pilgrim over at ReformationNation--well, I reckon he kinda raised the hackles of one Woody Martin, the "ah-NO'N-t'd prophet" of Lenoir City, TN. While complying with "fair use" laws, he posted several pictures from the "prophet's" website for nonprofit uses of comment and criticism. Well, seems the good "prophet" didn't read 1st Corinthians 6:1-8, and threatened the good Pilgrim with civil legal action:

As a part of the Woody Marin [sic] Ministries we’re officially notifying you that the pictures obtained from our web site and posted on your web page are without our consent and are illegal. The pictures are also copywrited [sic] by a professional photographer on the web site and have been used without his written permission as well. One thing about these ‘ministries’ that ‘fleece’ the people, we have lawyers. This is a friendly warning, next time you’ll hear from someone else.

I wonder what the good "prophet" is so afraid of? Does he think Pilgrim's blog has the power to scare people away from Woody's Blood of Jesus ah-NO'N-t'n Oil? If his "ministry" is based on Scripture, let the Scriptures defend him. Or maybe ol' Woody's scared the Scriptures will be against him?

Well, here is the section of US Copyright law that Pilgrim can lean on:

Section 107 contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered “fair,” such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Section 107 also sets out four factors to be considered in determining whether or not a particular use is fair:

1. the purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes;

2. the nature of the copyrighted work;

3. amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole; and

4. the effect of the use upon the potential market for or value of the copyrighted work.

I dare say ol' Woody was concerned about number 4.

Step right up and get your magic prayer shawl!!

That's right folks, just drape this baby--complete with many taken-out-of-context and twisted-to-fit-our-warped-theology Bible verses--across your shoulders, and you too will be driving a Hummer in a month! All thanks to the blood of Jesus!

And speaking of the precious blood that was shed so you could live a comfortable life of wealth and luxury (forget about all that old "sin" and "repentance" stuff), you can even order you some Blood of Jesus Anointing Oil! What else would you expect from a snake oil anointing oil salesman?

From Victory Temple Church, Lenoir City, TN, Pastor Woody Martin. (PS--If you go to their main page, be patient. They have it loaded with so much junk you'd almost need a dual-core processor to load it.)

Are you bribing God?

This is the kind of thing that makes me sick. And it should make everyone who is a child of God sick as well. Another video from ReformationNation (Pilgrim, you're on a roll, friend!) Randy and Paula White, the "pastors" of Without Shame Without Walls "Ministries" telling their crowd that you will be rich in material junk if you bribe God enough, and send the Whites all of your money.

The day Rodney Howard Browne almost sold out Madison Square Garden

He only came up about 18,000 seats short of that goal. The article is from 1999, but it gives you a good idea what kind of a "prophet" this jamoke is. (From Cross+Word). If you click the link and read the article, make sure you read all the way down. I shows you waht kind of a miscreant RHB really is, and what he considers to be his "true calling"--

“This man has a vision, and God is going to honor it!” So says Rick Shelton, pastor of Life Christian Center in St. Louis, of one Rodney Howard-Browne, self-proclaimed “Holy Spirit bartender” and the man who brought ‘holy laughter’ to America.

I wonder amid thunderous applause and cheering when it was, exactly, that God started honoring the visions of men. Who reversed the roles? And by what authority?

But this audience seemed quite convinced of the truth of this statement. And Howard-Browne himself certainly must have been, to rent out Madison Square Garden in the heart of Manhattan with a seating capacity of 20,000 for a full month’s time, ‘believing God’ for the three million dollars needed to pay for it.

A down-payment of $500,000 was apparently made, with the rest due to come in with the ‘masses of people’ who’d be brought into the Kingdom through his outreach and of course would immediately have the means and willingness to give generously to his offerings.

He’s not looking quite so confident now, however. On the first Friday night of this crusade, perhaps 2,000 people ‘flocked’ to hear the message. Ironically, the number of volunteers for this outreach is about 2100.

Prosperity "gospel" under scrutiny

Another article on the hope-it-happens-'cause-it-couldn't-come-soon-enough demise of the prosperity "gospel" (Via Associated Press. The comments [in blue within the brackets] are my $.02):

The teachings took on various names — "Name It and Claim It," "Word of Faith," the prosperity gospel [Also: Blab-it-and-Grab-it Nonsense, Heresy, Blasphemy...]

Prosperity preachers say that it isn't all about money — that God's blessings extend to health [Aren't Ken Hagin and Oral Roberts dead? Does that mean they didn't have enough faith?], relationships [I guess that's why two of the biggest-name couple are divorcing. Hmmm?] and being well-off enough to help others. [Just so long as you help yourself first]

They have Bible verses at the ready to make their case. One oft-cited verse, in Paul's Second Epistle to the Corinthians, reads: "Yet for your sakes he became poor, that you by his poverty might become rich." [They also never mention that the apostle Paul--one of the most faithful (if not THE MOST faithful man of God who has ever lived) was beaten, stoned, jailed...oh yeah--he lost all his money, too. But, let's not tell anybody that, M'K?]

Critics acknowledge the idea that God wants to bless his followers has a Biblical basis, but say prosperity preachers take verses out of context [Yuh think?]. The prosperity crowd also fails to acknowledge Biblical accounts that show God doesn't always reward faithful believers, Palmer said. [Isaiah--sawn in two. Paul--beheaded. Peter--crucified upside down. Jeremiah--thrown into a well. James--behaded. If only they had that ah-NOIN-t'n'!...]

The Book of Job is a case study in piety unrewarded, and a chapter in the Book of Hebrews includes a litany of believers who were tortured and martyred, Palmer said. [I guess their torture was that they could only afford a three-horse chariot, instead of the four-horse model.]

Yet the prosperity gospel continues to draw crowds, particularly lower- and middle-income people who, critics say, have the greatest motivation and the most to lose. [Yuh think?] The prosperity message is spreading to black churches, attracting elderly people with disposable incomes, and reaching huge churches in Africa and other developing parts of the world. [Leading many of these people to destruction. But I digress.]

One of the teaching's attractions is that it doesn't dwell on traditional Christian themes of heaven and hell [Or that old, worn-out, useless old Bible thingy. We's gots to have some new revelations!!] but on answering pressing concerns of the here and now, said Brian McLaren, a liberal evangelical author and pastor.

But the prosperity gospel, McLaren said, not only preys on the hope of the vulnerable, [Again: Yuh think? I stand amazed. Brian McLaren actually said something that makes sense!] it puts too much emphasis on individual success and happiness [And not enough emphasis on things like, oh, I don't know. Sin. Repentance. The Cross.]

"We've pretty much ignored what the Bible says about systemic injustice," he said.

The checks and balances central to Christian denominations are largely lacking in prosperity churches. [No kiddin'!!] One of the pastors in the Grassley probe, Bishop [Fast] Eddie Long of suburban Atlanta, has written that God told him to get rid of the "ungodly governmental structure" of a deacon board. [That's right. Can't have nobody stickin' they nose into how da good passuh got hisself that stretch Bentley now! Gots to make 'em think it's from Da Lawd!!]

Some ministers hold up their own wealth as evidence that the teaching works. [Yeah, it works for the Passuhs. For the people they fleece? Eh, not so much.] Atlanta-area pastor Creflo [Worshippin' the Almighty Dollar], who is fighting Grassley's inquiry, owns a Rolls Royce and multimillion-dollar homes and travels in a church-owned Learjet. [While the people he fleeces watch one check after another go boingy, boingy, boingy.]

Juanita Bynum and her Thrashing Threshing Floor

This video (from dazzarai at YouTube) has been around for a while, but it's still worth posting because it shows just where Profitess Prophetess Bynum's priorities really are, and just how screwed-up her doctrine really is. How she thinks she needs a $200,000 building, complete with gold-plated walls and a mock-up of the Ark of the Covenant (Anybody recall what happened last time somebody tried messing with the Ark? Ironically enough, near a threshing floor!) in order to intercede for her sheeple.

So, tell me, if "Prophetess" Juanita has a mansion, and a bank account that would rival most CEO's, why doesn't she pony up her own dough? It kinda seems like someone who has a bunch of lambs, but covets another's ewe lamb. And isn't it just quaint how she shows herself thrashing around wildly, for all the world to see, "praying" for those people she's fleecing with her latest money-grubbing scheme who are paying for this abomination? (Didn't Jesus say something about "not praying to be seen by men?")

There are a couple other heresies in this video, but I'll let you find them for yourself.

Good news from Mike Murdock!!

Now you too can sow an Uncommon Seed into his wallet ministry, and he will reap the rewards of your hard work!

Just for grins, I signed up to get e-mail updates from him. This is his latest sham flim-flammery deal:

Dear Partner,

An Instruction Decides a Season!
In Chicago, I received an instruction from a man of God...obeyed it...and my house was debt-free within eight months. In Columbus, OH, I received an instruction to sow a specific Seed and created a Life-Time Blessing on my life. In Washington, CD, I received an instruction to sow a seed according to the number of blessings listed in the Bible. It has unleashed waves of supernatural events ever since. I watched a man of God explain passionately on television about the power of the number seven. Seven dips in Jordan...completed the healing of Naaman's leprosy. Seven times around Jericho...seven days in a row...completed the destruction of the walls of Jericho. In Seven days God completed the creation of The Universe and rested on the Seventh Day.

It is the seventh year of this century, 2007. I have been personally inpacted with the surging stirring in my spirit to sow an Uncommon Seed of $777.00 into the work of God. I have felt impressed to ask The Holy Spirit to select the Harvest of His own choosing...wherever He feels that I need it the most. The miraculous has already started.

Will you be one of the 777 partners who will sow an Uncommon Seed of $777.00 during 2007? Listen to the inner promptings of The Holy Spirit. You will know His Voice. Allow Him to choose the supernatural Harvest...as you will see Him complete a miracle you have been desiring!

You will love the three significant gifts I have prepared for you (The Wisdom Bible...The Millionaire 300 Conference CD Set and The School of the Bible CD Set.)

Your new season is just a Seed away.

Your prayer partner
Mike

OK, there is just so much wrong with this, let's start at the top, shall we?

• Well, just like all the best prosperity hucksters, it starts with a "word from a man of God," (Notice, no name given) and how following this advice, he was MIRACULOUSLY delivered from (insert burden here).
• Then, we get the emotional pitch about the number 7. Hmm. That's odd. "Dr." Murdock says that "In Seven days God completed the creation of The Universe and rested on the Seventh Day." I must be using the wrong Bible, because in mine, it says that God finished the work of creation on the sixth day, then rested on the 7th. Maybe I just need to get me one of them-thar "Wisss-dom Bibles."
• Then we see the apex of the emotion-driven "surging in the spirit" about the number 7. Yes, the year is 2007. According to the calendar we have now. But, when you keep in mind that calendars have been changed so many times over the years, it may very well be 2050. Besides, the number 2007 is based on how many years it is estimated have elapsed since the birth of Christ. Many scholars believe it may be in what we now call 4 BC. So, in all actuality, this may be 2003 2011.
• Question about this "surging of the spirit." 2007 is almost over. It's November already. The eleventh month of the year. If the number 7 is so important, why didn't the Holy Spirit impress upon "Dr." Murdock to sow his "Uncommon Seed" in July--the seventh month of the year?
• Now, we get to the real point of this message: "Will you be one of the 777 partners who will sow an Uncommon Seed..." Yep, if you're gonna make the money, ya gotta make the money pitch!

You know, of all the prosperity hucksters, "Dr." Murdock is about the most transparent, other than Rod "I want your money, I deserve it" Parsley. At leats the Kenny-Benny-Creflo Show twist a little bit of Scripture to try and make their point. "Dr." Murdock just uses a bunch of flim-flammery to deceive his sheeple.

If you want to watch a video (about 7 minutes long--hah, I just realized the irony of that!) of this nonsense, click here.