Coming soon to a bumper sticker near you

Thus saith Evil Glenn:

GREEN FAKERS: Radar on why eco-hypocrisy matters:

Take Laurie David, soon-to-be-ex-wife of Seinfeld co-creator Larry, and producer of An Inconvenient Truth and other save-the-earth extravaganzas. Though she boasts about using recycled toilet paper and compact fluorescent lightbulbs, David has been pilloried for, among other excesses, flying on private jets. Here's what she has said in defense of her travel habits: "I'm not perfect. This is not about perfection. I don't expect anybody else to be perfect either. That's what hurts the environmental movement—holding people to a standard they cannot meet."

Apparently, when you're worth a few hundred million dollars, being asked to refrain from the most carbon-intensive indulgence known to man qualifies as "holding people to a standard they cannot meet." Note, too, her use of emotional jujitsu: the ones who are really hurting the environment are the ones who are so impolite as to point out her bad behavior. . . . It's always galling to be exhorted to curb your consumption by people who are living the poshest lifestyle imaginable. But the problem here goes beyond aesthetics. Eco-hypocrites undercut the very message they're trying to peddle. How desperate could the planet's plight be if the people who present themselves as most concerned about it consider flying first-class commercial an unacceptable sacrifice?

Read the whole thing. As I've said before, I'll believe it's a crisis when the people who say it's a crisis start acting like it's a crisis.

That's the money phrase right at the end. When Laurie David and Sheryl Crow and AlGore stop flying around in their jets and stop riding around in their big huge buses, they might gain a little credibilty. Until then they're nothing but a bunch of hypocritical Communist wannabes.

AlGore to visit Neptune

AP--"Former Vice-President AlGore will visit the planet Neptune, in an effort to pitch his new movie, "An Inconvenient Truth", to all Neptunians. "The global warming occuring on Neptune is an outrage! We need to rid Neptune of all her SUV's, and Neptunians need to make their carbon footprint smaller!"

Meanwhile, singer Sheryl Crow urged Neptunians to use only one square of toilet paper, so as to slow down the deforestation of their planet. At a speaking function, Ms. Crow and her friend Laurie David, tried tying the global warming trend on Neptune to an evil plot that was hatched by the Rove-Bushco-Halliburton machine."

Yes, folks, from 1980 through 2004, the planet Neptune experienced a significant amount of...GLOBAL WARMING!! (via Hot Air) Oh, and so did the planet Mars. So tell me, how many SUV's does the average citizen of these planets own? Are they enough to contribute to the shrinking ice caps on Mars? And where is Al "Chicken Little" Gore when these planets need them?

UPDATE: Originally I said that it was Mercury that was also experiencing "global warming". My bad. It was, indeed, Mars. I stand corrected.

Oh, it was a joke. Yeah, of course it was.

Kinda like Jon Lovitz' Master Thespian was "Acting!! Merely acting!!" So, now, Ms. Crow says that "That thing about the toilet paper. It was a joke." Yeah. Right. And Ms. Crow, being as full of herself as she has become, is right now, at this very moment, thinking that we poor, sniveling humans are just not as deeply intellectual as she is. That her songs are so deep and thoughtful that she feels the need to explain them to us. Just like she has to explain this "joke" to us.

The IQ challenge: Sheryl Crow vs. a pile of rocks

What do you say? What can you say. This has got to be the weordest statement I have heard from even the most radical tree-hugger. I mean, is she really serious? I'm...I'm...I'm...speechless:

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, whose judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."

I kid you not. You can read it over at HuffPo.

Help me. Somebody please help me. I can understand the Whacky Whacky Warmin' Globe Tour, screamin' about "The Earth is warming!! The Earth is warming!!" OK, yeah, that's kinda goofy, but they're pretty easy to laugh off. But what is Ms. Crow proposing? A new government agency? Perhaps we can call it the T.P.P.D.? Or the T.P.B.I.?

Well, just when you think she can't get any goofier, she pulls this brilliant gem of an idea out:

I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

Well, in the end of her post, Ms. "All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun" has some fun with the reader. I'll let her words speak for themselves:

This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It's a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!). Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the "greenest" life. This will be reflected in the contestant's home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??.... a recording contract!!!!!

Oh, don't worry Sheryl, your idea is safe. There ain't no way that anybody with even half of their original brain cells would even think about stealing ANY of your ideas, let alone this one. Hey Sheryl, here's an idea for ya. Now that you've gotten over Lance, you need to work really hard on getting over yourself. Sheesh!!

PS--Next time you want to get up in somebody's mug while they're trying to eat dinner, you might want to think twice about trying to do it to the Rover.