22 June 2007

So, Melvin, tell us what you really think!

Melvin Jones, the man who operates the website pulpit-pimps.org, posted a well-researched treatise on those who go around saying that if you'll "sow a thousand-dollar seed" to their ministry, which is struggling--struggling!!--to afford that new $20,000,000 Citation X-20, that GOD will bless you with a $100,000 windfall. These people are, without a doubt, pimps. Or, as Melvin tells us...

Okay, here’s the thing. Some of you in the audience say I’m not loving. And I should be loving because God is love. I shouldn’t be judgmental of these people who preach a false doctrine. I should love them and pray for them.

And since I consider myself to be a man who at least tries to obey the Bible, I have decided to emulate God and say the same things He says. Since God is love, and God is perfect, then He only says loving things. So if I say the same things that God says, then I’m loving too. Right?

Okay, let’s run with that for right now.

Here are some of the same things God says about false teachers:
• They are ravenous wolves
(Matthew 7:15-16)
They are practicers of lawlessness (Matthew 7:22-23)
They are hypocrites ( Matt 15:7-9)
They are thieves (John 10:1)
They are slaves of their own appetites (Romans 16:18)
They are men of flesh (1 Cor 3:1-4)
They are peddlers of the word of Christ(2 Cor 2:17)
They are accursed (Galatians 1:6-8)
They are tricksters and schemers (Ephesians 4:14)
They are deluders (Ephesians 4:14)
They are deceivers (Colossians 2:8)
They are defrauders (Colossians 2:18-19)
They are teachers of strange doctrine (1 Timothy 1:3)
They are blasphemers, and have been handed over to Satan (1 Timothy 1:19-20)
They are teachers of myth (2 Timothy 4:3-4)
They are paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons (1 Timothy 4:1-3)
They are liars (1 Timothy 4:1-3)
They are conceited and understand nothing (1 Timothy 6:3-4)
They have gone astray (1 Timothy 6:20-21)
They are evil men, deceiving and being deceived (2 Timothy 3:13)
They are empty talkers, after sordid gain (Titus 1:10-11)
They turn away from the truth (Titus 1:13-14)
They are false prophets, false teachers, greedy exploiters (2 Peter 2:1-4)
They are stains and blemishes, greedy, loving of wages of unrighteuosness (2 Peter 2:13-15)
They are slaves of corruption (2 Peter 2:19-20)
They are ungodly (Jude 4)
They are rebellious people (Isaiah 30:9)

So I guess if I am going to emulate God, I should call the people who promote a different gospel wolfish, hypocritical practitioners of lawlessness who are enslaved to their own appetites, while being men of flesh and peddlers of the word, who by the way are accursed and deluding and deceiving, while teaching myths and paying attention to deceiving spirits, while at the same time being empty talkers and being greedy exploiters while being blemishes and stains, and being ungodly.

Hmmm. You know, I don’t really feel like typing this phrase every time I refer to the pimping inhabitants of the pulpit. I’ll just keep calling them pimps and pimpettes. It’s a lot more succinct.

Now, now, don't be shy, let it all out.

Actually, he's calling these people what they are. They are heretics (at the very least), and blasphemers (at their worst). They claim that they know some secret chant, some long-hidden promise that GOD made to ONE man ONE time, (can you say, "Jabez"?) and they know how to take that and throw it in GOD's face, and twist His arm until He cries "Uncle!" and gives them whatever toy they're screaming for. There is a word in the Greek, astokeo." It means... WRONG!!!!!

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