I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, whose judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."I kid you not. You can read it over at HuffPo.
Help me. Somebody please help me. I can understand the Whacky Whacky Warmin' Globe Tour, screamin' about "The Earth is warming!! The Earth is warming!!" OK, yeah, that's kinda goofy, but they're pretty easy to laugh off. But what is Ms. Crow proposing? A new government agency? Perhaps we can call it the T.P.P.D.? Or the T.P.B.I.?
Well, just when you think she can't get any goofier, she pulls this brilliant gem of an idea out:
I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.Well, in the end of her post, Ms. "All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun" has some fun with the reader. I'll let her words speak for themselves:
This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It's a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!). Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the "greenest" life. This will be reflected in the contestant's home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??.... a recording contract!!!!!Oh, don't worry Sheryl, your idea is safe. There ain't no way that anybody with even half of their original brain cells would even think about stealing ANY of your ideas, let alone this one. Hey Sheryl, here's an idea for ya. Now that you've gotten over Lance, you need to work really hard on getting over yourself. Sheesh!!
PS--Next time you want to get up in somebody's mug while they're trying to eat dinner, you might want to think twice about trying to do it to the Rover.