Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards will undergo emergency surgery tomorrow to correct the holes burned itno him by Hillary Ramrod Clinton's laser-like stare. The procedure will be very painstaking, as doctors will have to perform the surgery near his hairline. This will be dangerous, because if they damage Mr. Edwards' hair, it could lead to years of psychological rehabilitaion, and a loss of his contract with Breck® Shampoo.
When reached for comment, Mr. Edwards said, "I could feel the holes burning through me as soon as she started. There was no escape."
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